


Healing

by cruelmagic



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 13:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1187226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruelmagic/pseuds/cruelmagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He needed to feel pain. He wanted it to efface the ache inside of him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Healing

**Author's Note:**

> A link between season four and five and what happened with Nathan during that time.

He was alone. The barn, his friends, Audrey… everyone was gone. He screamed and whispered her name, hoping that wherever and whenever she was, she could hear him.

  
He noticed Jordan. She was lying there, gun next to her. He remembered his wounds but he didn’t feel anything. He could never feel so why, why now did it hurt so much that he couldn’t breathe?

  
“Please— help,” Jordan said, her voice trembling.

  
He took her in his arms and started walking. Jordan felt his tears on her face, even though he didn’t know he was crying. One step after another he got him further and further away from Audrey. He whispered her name.

 

 

He needed to feel pain. He wanted it to efface the ache inside of him.

  
For a brief moment he had everything, he had her and their son and then everything was taken away from him. Haven was in ruins, people worked day and night to rebuilt it. But what was the point? She was gone, Duke was gone, and troubles were still here. Because of him. Because he didn’t die there. Because she chose to go inside the barn and disappear for the next twenty-seven years. Or maybe forever, since his brilliant idea was to shoot Agent Howard or whoever the hell he was.

 

 

He left. Not even because everyone wanted him dead, but rather because those who didn’t want that, told him again and again how sorry they were. He didn’t care for their sorry, it didn’t ease the pain, it didn’t stop anything.

  
He hoped that one of them would be troubled, and would smash his face. He needed that pain and he was denied it every time somebody hit him. At least he had some money to survive to the next day. But next day was never easier. He never learnt how to deal with pain.

  
When his mother died he did the same, and his father stopped caring. He got into fights at school, he screamed but nothing helped. And when Audrey came… When he felt her lips on his cheek for the first time, touch seemed so alien, so unnatural, so beautiful. He craved her touch, every inch of his body begged for more, but there was never going to be more. Just nightmares about her screams and being pulled apart when the barn was destroyed. Because of him.

 

 

He owed them. He didn’t matter, he wasn’t the chief, nobody loved him, he was alone. Alone ever since that day. He knew it for a long time, he should be dead. He didn’t deserve a second chance. He couldn’t sleep thinking about it. If her ever finds her, she will kill him and all of this will be over. Haven will be safe again, forever, and Audrey… She will be fine without him. No more troubles to deal with. No more people scared of themselves, their curses out of control. That’s what everyone wanted, that’s what he wanted, and he never counted anyway. She fell in love with him, and so did he, again and again.

 

 

When Duke returned he was ready to die. And it didn’t matter anymore, if it was Audrey, who’d kill him, or the Guard. He just wanted this to be over.

 

———

 

When she returned, when she loved him, he finally understood. She sacrificed herself for everybody and now he needed to do the same. He no longer wanted to die, he wanted to be with her, he wanted to love her, but they needed to make the choice. And he knew what their happiness wasn’t more important than the town and people whose curses destroyed lives. Whose curses were getting out of control. And that was the meaning of sacrifice, and so they had to save them.

  
Finally, he was healed.


End file.
